How to talk to your kids about tragedy
EUGENE, Ore. -- Four people, including two young children, died in a car crash last Wednesday.
On Tuesday, a 10-year-old girl was abducted from a Santa Clara street and sexually assaulted. Police chased down the suspect and rescued her.
Earlier this month, a teen was found dead in a field in Lebanon.
Your children may have known the victims, seen the stories on the news or heard about them at school. They might be upset or have questions.
When it comes to dealing with tragedies, Ruthann Duncan, a licensed marital family therapist, said it's very important for parents to be present for their children.
Duncan, the Program Manager and Clinical Supervisor for the Center for Family Development, offered the following tips.
1. Limit Exposure
Keep your kids informed but limit their exposure to the news, especially video of car crashes.
2. Listen to Your Child
Let your kid talk about the event. Acknowledge their feelings.
"Often, we are not skilled at dealing with a child's fearful emotions or angry emotions or sadness," said Duncan. "It makes us uncomfortable and we want to quickly reassure them and they know what's real and what's not real."
Duncan added, "If you get into questions of life and death, how when you lose somebody you carry part of them with us. They may be gone from the here and now but they survive in people's memories and people carry them in their hearts."
3. Focus on Good Memories
Help your child focus on positive thoughts by remembering good times. Visiting a memorial, like the one set up at crash victim Nima Gibba's school, can help your child express their feelings.
"Share," said Duncan. "Grief is a communal experience."
4. Watch for Warning Signs
Sad or angry feelings are normal, said Duncan.
Acting out angrily, excessive worrying, phobias like not wanting to get into a car and changes in sleeping or eating patterns can signal a more serious problem.
In those cases, counseling may be considered.
